3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
