Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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