i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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