What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic