Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out