I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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