4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.