My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person