shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.