I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
