come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
