Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
