Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
