i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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