Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
