he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Small penises have feelings too.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
