Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
