So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We need to rekindle our bromance
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
