I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
