i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
