I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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