I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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