it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize