I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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