that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
