I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Never underestimate the power of titties
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
