i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
