4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
