There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
