I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
