i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize