After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
