it's like iHOP with fire
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
