dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
