Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
BRING THE BAGELS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
