i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
