the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
