tell your sister to shave her snatch
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
