U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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