I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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