Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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