The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
