Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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