Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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