The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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