Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
