Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
