my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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