My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
