fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
