there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
