I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone came in the potted fern
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
