My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
