I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
