Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
