That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
