I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
