the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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