He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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