I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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