i permit you to call me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
