you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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