I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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