and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
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