Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
