there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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