Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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