the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
