VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
