How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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