We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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